Someone could tell me ten wonderful things.
Then make one tiny comment that feels negative.
Guess which one my brain remembers?
Not the ten good things.
The one.
Every. Single. Time.
It could be something completely innocent.
A change in someone's tone.
A message that seems a little shorter than usual.
Someone saying, "Can we have a chat later?"
A piece of feedback surrounded by praise.
A joke that hits differently than it was intended.
Something most people might brush off within five minutes.
Meanwhile, my brain has opened a full investigation.
"Did I do something wrong?"
"Are they annoyed with me?"
"Was that aimed at me?"
"Have I upset them?"
"What did they mean by that?"
And suddenly I'm replaying a conversation from three hours ago like there's going to be a test on it tomorrow.
Sometimes I know I'm overthinking it.
That's the frustrating part.
I can logically understand that everything is probably fine...
...while another part of my brain is already preparing for disaster.
And telling yourself to "just stop thinking about it"?
If only it were that easy.
For some people with ADHD, emotions can feel incredibly intense.
That doesn't mean every emotional reaction is because of ADHD, and everyone experiences emotions differently.
But difficulties with emotional regulation can be part of the ADHD experience.
Sometimes emotions arrive quickly.
And loudly.
And once they're there, they can be difficult to turn down.
That's something I wish more people understood.
Because from the outside, a reaction can look completely out of proportion to what happened.
"It was only a comment."
"You're overthinking it."
"Don't take everything so personally."
And maybe the person saying those things isn't wrong.
Maybe it was only a comment.
The problem is...
My brain doesn't always experience it as only a comment.
The feeling is still real.
And when you've spent years being corrected, forgetting things, missing things, being told you're too much, not enough, too loud, too distracted, too sensitive or that you simply need to try harder...
You can become pretty good at looking for signs that you've got something wrong again.
Sometimes before anyone has even said that you have.
That's exhausting.
Because you're not only dealing with what actually happened.
You're dealing with everything your brain thinks might have happened too.
And there's a big difference.
I think this is particularly important when we're talking about young people.
A child or teenager might react strongly to something that seems tiny to us.
Maybe a friend didn't sit beside them.
Maybe a teacher corrected their work.
Maybe they weren't invited somewhere.
Maybe someone laughed and they weren't sure why.
Maybe they got nine lovely comments and one piece of constructive feedback.
We might see the situation and think...
"That's really not a big deal."
But to them, in that moment, it might feel enormous.
We don't have to agree that something is a disaster to acknowledge that the feeling is real.
That's an important difference.
Sometimes the most helpful response isn't immediately trying to convince someone that they're overreacting.
It's giving the emotion somewhere safe to land first.
"I can see that's really bothered you."
"Do you want to talk about what happened?"
"We're okay."
"You're not in trouble."
Those few words can make such a difference.
Even the way we start conversations can help.
"Hey, can we have a chat?"
can feel very different to:
"Hey, nothing bad and you're not in trouble. I just want to have a quick chat when you're free."
It's such a tiny change.
But for a brain that's already preparing for the worst, you've just removed twenty imaginary scenarios before they've had the chance to start.
That doesn't mean everyone around us needs to carefully manage every word they say.
That's not realistic.
And learning to manage our own emotions is important too.
But understanding each other goes both ways.
Sometimes we can make life a little easier for someone without making a big deal out of it.
A little reassurance.
Clear communication.
An extra sentence.
A reminder that one mistake hasn't changed how we feel about them.
Small things.
Big difference.
And if you're the person whose brain holds onto that one negative thing...
I understand.
I know how convincing those thoughts can feel.
But feelings aren't always facts.
A short message doesn't automatically mean someone is angry.
Constructive feedback doesn't mean you've failed.
Someone having a bad day doesn't mean you caused it.
Making a mistake doesn't mean everyone is disappointed in you.
And one person's opinion doesn't get to decide your worth.
Sometimes your brain will still need reminding of that.
Possibly several times.
That's okay.
We're learning.
We're learning which thoughts deserve our attention and which ones we can slowly learn to let pass.
We're learning that feedback doesn't equal rejection.
That disagreement doesn't mean abandonment.
That getting something wrong doesn't make us wrong.
And maybe most importantly...
We're learning not to let one difficult moment erase all the good ones.
Because there is
so much more to your story than the one thing your brain won't let go of today.
Give the good things some space too.
They deserve to be remembered.
And so do you.
Your timeline.
Your journey.
Your way.